Who am I to lead these women?
My Sunday-smile beaming, I turned to face this beautiful group of women influencers who had gathered for a fresh dose of inspiration and practical training. But I was feeling about as fragile as those little white porcelain cups the hostess had just squeezed that strong, steaming coffee into.
I can’t do this; I’m not qualified.
My thoughts swirled with uncertainty as an ugly fear silently taunted my simple love of Jesus, somehow suggesting He alone didn’t hold the power to inspire positivity and change in the hearts of these women.
Instead of remembering how great our God is, how it was Him who created the Heavens and Earth and gave each of us in that room our very breath and how He was the one who had brought us together for His intended purpose that very day, my doubts were all the sudden making this gathering me-centered. About how I wasn’t enough. Not smart-enough, experienced-enough, or even focused-enough at the moment.
I couldn’t help but feel like these women deserved more. So. Much. More.
Because I was bringing all my junk to the table and that’s not what God had planned to serve.
We do it far too often, tell ourselves these lies. Here are the most common ones I hear from other women leaders {and what we can do about them!}.
1. I’m not enough.
I’ll let you off the hook with this one. You aren’t enough. And neither am I. But God is.
We compare our worst with everyone else’s best. It’s always going to be hard to meet that standard, friend. We’ll never measure up, no matter how hard we try. But if instead, we choose to share our hearts {our real and raw and transformed hearts} out of a sincere response to what God has done for us, we will deeply connect with others.
It isn’t about us. We aren’t there to impress anyone; we’re simply a carrier of God’s message. His worth. His truth.
2. If they knew the real me, they wouldn’t like me.
This great fear of true intimacy can be a bully, demanding we keep our distance.
We worry if others knew us or our past, they wouldn’t like or trust us. So we spend our days presenting what we think we should be to the world instead of who we really are.
There is only one you. And trying to fake your way through that will flat exhaust you. {This I know.}
That very thing we don’t want others to know about hold the power to be a beautiful bridge to those very women we long to help. “Me, too!” can bring a bond between two women like nothing else.
3. My faith isn’t strong enough; I’m not as versed in scripture and theology as I should be.
Those times folks look to you and you don’t have the answers, it’s really okay. Our faith might not be as strong as we would like but if it’s alive and powerful, God can use it.
Don’t be afraid to say when you aren’t sure. It’s pretty liberating to admit, “I don’t know,” and then offer to go to God alongside someone and find out together.
4. I must have been wrong about the call to leadership because God hasn’t given me anyone to lead.
Waiting for God’s plan to play out can rub hard against our culture of immediate reward, can’t it?
I don’t believe God is idle in our lives. Ever. I believe if we keep showing up, keep focusing on the last clear direction we had from Him, and we do our part., we’ll eventually flip this impatience thing right on it’s top. We’ll turn that aggravation of impatience into an attitude of expectancy. Let’s start trusting that God’s promises are indeed coming.
If God gave you the desire, He’ll marry that with an ability and a vision that will breed opportunity in his timing. Just you wait and see.
5. If they said it, it must be true.
Because of my back-story, negative criticism can sometimes feel better to me; more normal than praise. So while I strive to hold myself accountable to a trusting group of advisors, I also take intentional steps to stay in balance when I consider the opinion of others. I’m learning how to not allow the voice of others become bigger than God’s opinion of me.
Doubts will come and go. It’s up to us to choose to live beyond those doubts. Feedback and criticism is subjective. The important question we should be asking is “Is this true?” And if it’s not, what is. Because that’s where we need to focus our intentions.
All those years ago, Satan came to the first woman who was responsible for leading anyone and he got what he wanted through lies (see Genesis 3). Today, the enemy returns to us much the same, distracting us with those same sneaky little lies. These deceptions have a way of quietly inching their way into our belief systems until they become the root of the majority of our struggles.
It’s time we exposed these lies for what they are, and allow ourselves to grow into the leader God wants us to be.
Deeper Still: What lie or doubt might be keeping you from fully pursuing your dream? Let us know in the comments section and we’ll knit hearts and pray you through this.
I resonate with so much of this. I was battling the “I’m not good enough” and/or “I’m not doing enough in ministry” lies last week. It seems to ebb and flow, but I would love to get rid of the doubts forever, which I’m working on. Thankful for God’s mercy and the fact that He calls us and uses us in spite of ourselves. I’m working on learning to “just be” and rely on Him to make up the difference.