Guest Contributor: Julia Mateer
Author of Life Giving Leadership
One of the greatest opportunities for a life-giving leader is to believe in another woman and help her develop her potential.
While we have valuable strategies at our disposal to help us cultivate the potential within the women we serve and help them unlock their dreams, a life-giving leader understands the power of her words.
Wracked with insecurities and self-doubt, a young woman recently found herself in my office seeking counseling. Quietly crying, she recounted growing up with emotionally distant parents. She could not recall one encouraging word or one act of support from her mom or dad. On the contrary, her memories were full of criticism, belittling statements, and verbal abuse. Her heart was encased in a prison of self-doubt and insecurity.
If only her parents knew the havoc they inflicted on their daughter’s soul. If only they had believed in her and encouraged her. They could have unlocked her potential, helping her to become confident and secure. Instead, their daughter was broken and deeply wounded.
The most powerful leadership tool we have is our words.
James 3:6 says, “…and (the tongue) sets on fire the course of life…” The very existence of one’s life is set into motion by words.
This young woman had not reached her full potential because her potential had not been “spoken to” by the people that mattered most: her parents. The message that their words conveyed to their daughter was, “You can’t do anything right. You are a bother to us. Why did we have you? You are one big mistake. You will never amount to anything.”
The direction of this young woman’s life would’ve be much different if she’d heard encouragement like, “You are awesome! What a blessing you are to us. We are so proud of you. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. We are 100 percent for you.”
During our time together, I spoke words of encouragement to her, focusing on her strengths and potential. I helped her to establish her identity in Christ by having her focus on the transformative power of Scripture. Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.” The word of God is alive, and as my client meditated and memorized Scripture, she began to see herself as Christ’s sees her, as Christ sees all of us; valuable, loved and cherished.
What a powerful opportunity we have as life-giving leaders to create an atmosphere of blessing with our words whether in our homes with our families, businesses with our employees and in our churches.
Words that do not shine the light of Christ increase the darkness.
I have been a part of organizations where the women in leadership used cuss words as every part of the English language: verbs, nouns, adverbs, adjectives creating a critical and angry atmosphere filling the air with the “stench of death.” Sadly, these women missed opportunities to bless and empower their staffs. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
A life-giving leader knows the importance of setting a guard over her mouth and watching the door of her lips (Psalm 141:3), choosing words that intentionally create an affirming environment. Instead of a culture of criticalness and negativity, a life-giving leader blesses with her words. Make your words life-giving, full of mercy and grace.
I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments!
Laughing really hard with friends, strong black tea, and quiet moments with her husband are some of Julia’s favorite things. Julia has a full life as a mother, wife, Pastor, therapist and writer but one of her great joys is having authentic conversations with women about life, mentoring them in their marriages, parenting, and in leadership. Believing the transformational love of Jesus is the hope of the world, Julia is a huge fan of the local church. Julia’s book, Life-Giving Leadership: A Woman’s Toolbox for Leading, is devoted to helping women develop healthy relationships within the local church.
Thank you for sharing this. I can personally relate. It is extremely hard to find self worth growing up with parents who are incapable of pouring into their children. Only in Christ have I finally as a grown woman find my worth. However, the scars of childhood hurts leave permant marks on our hearts, minds, and spirits. But, in Christ we can find purpose umoungst our deepest hurts.